EPISODE 8: The Swan
PART ONE
EXT: Establishing shot of the ruined tower from the end of "KNIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD", Day.
DISSOLVE TO
EXT: A Dusty street, Day.
It is the main street for the abandoned city in KNIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD, some days on. Charred corpses lie motionless in the dust. A pigeon lands, and stands, and waits for something to happen. A large hand suddenly punches out of the ground. The pigeon flutters back a little, but doesn't fly away. The hand is followed by a burly arm, then another, which push more gravel away, making a larger hole, through which NYM's head pops up. She is covered in ash and dirt. She reaches her own arms out and pulls herself overground.
NYM:
Pistol, I am most cross.
Now on the street, NYM reaches for the two other hands and helps PISTOL drag himself out of the hole. PISTOL spots the pigeon.
PISTOL:
Hey, look! Trevor's back!
With a single fast movement, NYM scoops up the pigeon in one hand.
NYM:
About bloody time.
NYM pulls a small roll of paper from a ring around the pigeon's ankle. PISTOL takes the pigeon from her gently and pets it as NYM unfurls and reads the message.
PISTOL:
D'you think they'll be angry
that we lost the goods?
NYM:
Actually, it just so happens
that there's been a change of
plan.
PISTOL:
Is that good or bad?
NYM:
Bit of both. Kay's dropping out
of the deal. It appears he
doesn't approve of our methods.
PISTOL:
That's bad.
NYM:
Yes. I know. But look at this.
NYM shows PISTOL the tiny scroll.
PISTOL:
Oh! I didn't know that. But
back in the cage they were...
NYM:
Yes they were, Pistol.
PISTOL:
...and that's High Treason!
NYM:
Yes it is, Pistol.
PISTOL:
And the reward for arresting a
traitor is...
NYM:
...ten times what Kay was
offering. Maybe more.
PISTOL:
And we get to go home.
PISTOL and NYM grin at each other.
PISTOL:
Well, that's good!
NYM:
I know, Pistol.
NYM looks around herself.
NYM:
All we need to do now is find
them.
PISTOL looks at the ruin of the tower while putting the pigeon safely in a small cage on his back.
PISTOL:
We could always just follow the
trail of smashed up castles.
NYM:
I intend to. Ruins and tall
tales. Those are the tracks
that the Seven leave behind.
She sniffs the air.
NYM:
That, and the smell of unicorn.
CUT TO
EXT: Jungle, Day.
The KIDS and UNI are picking their way through the jungle trail. BOBBY goes ahead, bashing the odd obstacle aside, followed by PRESTO and UNI. HANK is right at the back and scowls at SHEILA and DIANA, who are walking arm in arm ahead of him, laughing at ERIC, who walks happily in front of them, caught up in his own world, humming. He half-sings "Stayin' Alive" to himself but can't remember the words.
ERIC:
(sings softly)
Well you can tell by the way I
walk my walk I'm a woman's man,
no time to talk, and you can
tell by the way I somethin'
else I'm a fnuh-nuh-nuh, and
I'm all of that...
SHEILA:
Look at him! He's strutting!
What have you created?
DIANA:
Tell me about it.
ERIC:
(cntd)
Oh well-a you can't dance, you
can't pay, you can't look the
other way...
DIANA:
(Calls out, over him)
Sweetie, you're dating a Black
girl. Doesn't make you a pimp.
ERIC turns around, grinning, giving her the finger.
ERIC:
(cntd)
Hummanumma hummana hummanumma
hummana, Stayin' alive, stayin'
alive...
DIANA:
The Bee Gees. Wow. That's real
funky, Sylvester.
On BOBBY, turning to them.
BOBBY:
Why'dya keep calling him that?
ERIC gives him an irritable Look. The girls just giggle.
BOBBY:
(Grins, realising he's hit a nerve)
What?
HANK pipes up from behind everybody.
HANK:
Could we please pay a little
more attention to what we're
doing?
DIANA rolls her eyes at SHEILA.
DIANA:
What have you created?
ERIC:
(to HANK)
But we don't know what we're
doing, or where we're going, do
we?
HANK:
We know that we're... Presto,
what was it The Big V said?
PRESTO turns to them, briefly.
PRESTO:
We're off to find an old ally.
ERIC feigns seriousness and mimes peering earnestly into the jungle, his hands shading his eyes.
ERIC:
Well, I'm concentrating, but I
still can't see any old allies.
HANK:
Oh stop being such a fucking
Eric, Eric. Maybe if you
actually talked to old Darth
Deathface every once in a while
instead of scampering off into
the bushes you might have a
better idea of the seriousness
of the situation.
DIANA:
Hey...
DIANA takes and angry step towards HANK, but ERIC grabs her shoulder, stopping her. The two young men glare at each other with equal contempt and obstinance. On PRESTO, noting this with quiet concern.
PRESTO:
Uh... I think we should take a
break. Don't you?
ERIC is the first to unlock eyes.
ERIC:
Good idea.
He slides his hand down DIANA's arm and takes her hand.
ERIC:
Coming for a walk, Dee?
DIANA shoots HANK a meaningful glance.
DIANA:
Sure.
The two of them begin to walk off into the undergrowth. HANK sighs.
HANK:
(calls after them)
If you're not back in an hour,
we're leaving without you!
He looks at the others' disapproving faces.
HANK:
What? That's not starting to
grate on you guys too?
CUT TO:
EXT: Jungle undergrowth. Day.
ERIC and DIANA are both visibly tense as they pick their way into the bushes, but relax quickly as they get further away from the others. Eventually, ERIC spins DIANA around him and pushes her against a tree.
ERIC:
Hmm, now. What to do, what to
do... Are we thinking tried and
tested, or something new?
DIANA:
Honey, we're running out of
decent new things pretty fast.
ERIC:
Fuck decency. I want to try
everything with you. Backwards,
sideways, inverted, perverted..
They laugh, and kiss.
DIANA:
I think a quickie is gonna have
to suffice today.
ERIC:
Aw, you're not actually gonna
listen to Legolas, are you?
DIANA shrugs.
DIANA:
I just feel kinda weird today.
Like we're being watched.
ERIC:
Kinky bitch.
DIANA:
I'm serious! We've both got
prices on our heads.
ERIC:
Yeah. Thanks for the reminder.
But there's nothing here, babe.
ERIC indicates around himself.
ERIC:
Just creepers and bugs. Nothing
bad's going to happen, OK?
On cue, a grenade is tossed into the group from O/S. It explodes instantly, covering them in gas. They choke, clasping at their throats and falling to their knees. On ERIC, fighting back unconsciousness.
ERIC:
Every time...
He passes out.
CUT TO
EXT: Jungle clearing, Day.
PRESTO, HANK, SHEILA, BOBBY and UNI are sat around in a ragged circle, eating raw fruit.
BOBBY:
They've been gone forever! What
are they doing?... Wait. Don't
answer that. It's too gross.
On HANK, getting up.
HANK:
Well, I say we stick to our
word. We told 'em they had an
hour...
PRESTO:
(snapping)
Oh for fuck's sake, shut up!
HANK and the others look at PRESTO incredulously.
PRESTO:
(only a little calmer)
Just because you're coming
through a break-up doesn't mean
nobody else can be happy. You
know how crazy they are for
each other, just let them be.
HANK:
They could just... be a little
more thoughtful...
SHEILA:
To who, Hank? You? You think
you're the only one in pain?
HANK looks at the other three, his eyes finally settling on BOBBY.
HANK:
Et tu, Bobby?
BOBBY opens his mouth to speak, but is cut off by DIANA running, still coughing, out of the undergrowth.
DIANA:
Come... come quick...
The others stand.
BOBBY:
What's happened?
HANK:
Who's taken Eric now?
SHEILA darts a looks at HANK.
SHEILA:
How do you know he's been
captured?
HANK:
Oh please. That guy's got a
whole Penelope Pitstop thing
going on.
DIANA:
(still gasping)
We were gassed. When I came to
he was gone, but I could make
out their trail...
HANK:
They took him but left you.
DIANA and HANK meet eyes briefly, coldly.
HANK:
That's something, at least.
Maybe it wasn't the Bounty
Hunters after all.
CUT TO
EXT: Thinning jungle, Day.
Close on ERIC, still unconscious, propped up against a rock. His hands are tied. He blinks awake, slowly.
ERIC:
Mmm?
PISTOL is suddenly at his side. He holds a steaming cup out towards him.
PISTOL:
Cuppa tea?
ERIC's eyes widen in shock and terror.
ERIC:
Gah!
Almost as a reflex, he brings his hands up against the cup, knocking the hot contents into PISTOL's face. PISTOL recoils back, clutching his scalded face.
PISTOL:
Aargh!
ERIC uses this opportunity to push himself upright. He trips on the rock, rolls to his feet, then begins to desperately back away from PISTOL, groping for a weapon, but both have been removed and are now slung on PISTOL's backpack.
ERIC:
Shit! Shit!
He picks up a stone and tries to fling it at PISTOL, but with bound hands, his throw is appalling. The stone flies off to the side with little velocity. Giving up on the fighting idea, ERIC turns to run, but finds himself nose to nose with NYM's crossbow.
NYM:
A simple "no, thankyou" would
have sufficed.
ERIC, snarling, tries to back away again, but his shoulders are grabbed by PISTOL.
PISTOL:
He burned my face.
ERIC starts trying to wriggle out of PISTOL's grasp.
NYM:
(tuts)
Poppet.
(to ERIC, raising her crossbow)
Will you please stop that?
ERIC:
Get that monster off me!
PISTOL:
Who's a monster?
NYM:
Only if you start acting
civilised.
ERIC stops struggling and sighs, defeated.
NYM:
There, now.
PISTOL releases ERIC's shoulders. ERIC eyes him, suspiciously.
NYM:
Don't worry. He won't bite if
you don't.
ERIC:
That's not what worries me.
PISTOL looks down, ashamed.
PISTOL:
He saw me looking. In the cage.
NYM:
Ah. And from what he was
looking at, I can assume that
you are not that way inclined.
ERIC:
I like girls.
NYM:
And yet you are not molesting
me. Pistol has an eye for a
well turned out young man. You
should be flattered. He's not
like those Orcs, spoiling
whatever woman, man, child or
animal they can pin down. My
brother's a gentle soul.
NYM smiles at PISTOL as he passes a canteen of tea to her. ERIC continues to eye the pair suspiciously. They are blatantly not the same species.
ERIC:
"Brother", huh?
NYM slurps her tea.
NYM:
He's half ogre. It's a long
story. And we really should get
going.
She squints up at the suns.
NYM:
I want to be back before night.
NYM prods ERIC in the back with her crossbow. ERIC takes the hint and starts walking, allowing PISTOL to lead.
ERIC:
Back where?
PISTOL grins at ERIC over his shoulder.
PISTOL:
We're taking you home with us!
ERIC sighs.
ERIC:
Super. We can while away the
night playing Duelling Banjos.
PISTOL:
Sounds nice. How does it go?
CUT TO
EXT: Jungle thinning to swampland, Evening.
On the others, picking their way through the mire. DIANA walks ahead, impatiently. The others have a job to keep her pace.
BOBBY:
(hums 1st line of "Duelling Banjos")
PRESTO:
You read my mind.
DIANA turns to the others.
DIANA:
Come on, people! Time is money!
The others laugh a little at the Ericky phrase, but Diana is Not Amused.
DIANA:
Seriously! Hank, you're
supposed to be the tracker and
you've been trailing all day.
And Presto, can't you - I dunno
- sense him or something?
PRESTO:
Chill out, Diana. He's real
close now. They've stopped
moving again.
SHEILA:
He always was good at slowing
people down.
DIANA:
OK, well... just keep up the
pace, guys.
She speeds up to a jog.
CUT TO
EXT: Jungle thinning to swampland, Evening.
In the same terrain, NYM, now leading, stops and turns around to the other two, irritably.
NYM:
Come on! I can't believe how
slow you are.
On ERIC and PISTOL. They share a glance and sigh.
PISTOL:
Maybe it's not that we're too
slow. Maybe you're too fast.
NYM:
Maybe if you two nattered less
you'd have more puff.
PISTOL:
'E's intrigued me. He says he
writes poetry too. Only he
don't make them rhyme.
ERIC:
Haikus aren't meant to rhyme.
All three have now come to a complete stop.
NYM:
Everybody knows poems have to
rhyme. That's how you know it's
poetry.
A twig snaps, O/S. Nobody seems to notice.
ERIC:
Dim light on deep green.
Trees whisper rumours of the
Goddess approaching.
PISTOL:
(sighs)
I think that's lovely. What's
it about?
ERIC just smiles at PISTOL.
DIANA:
(O/S)
His girlfriend.
PISTOL and NYM look off in the direction of the voice to see DIANA crouching in a tree almost directly above them. She gives them a friendly wave. As she does so, BOBBY and UNI step from behind bigger trees, HANK and PRESTO fade out of their camouflaged positions and SHEILA uncloaks, knife in hand. HANK has Big Sally loaded and aimed at PISTOL. ERIC continues to smile at PISTOL.
ERIC:
Touché.
DIANA slides herself down the tree.
DIANA:
Hand over the goods, sweetie.
NYM aims at DIANA. SHEILA takes a step toward NYM.
NYM:
Hell no.
In the undergrowth behind PISTOL and NYM, a good 20 or so guards step out of their camouflage, their own crossbows aimed at the KIDS. ERIC's smile falls.
ERIC:
Well, that shut me up.
On the KIDS. They lower their weapons.
DIANA:
What the Hell..?
The HEAD GUARD steps towards NYM, his crossbow aimed at DIANA.
HEAD GUARD:
Her Majesty sends her regards.
NYM and PISTOL exchange proud smiles.
HEAD GUARD:
She thanks you for apprehending
an enemy of the state and for
bringing him to the borders of
her control.
On ERIC, shocked, the equally suprised KIDS in the background.
ERIC:
What? "Enemy of the State"?
What State? I don't...
DIANA:
There's been a mistake. He's
with us. The girl and the
monster are Bounty Hunters,
there's a contract out on him.
HEAD GUARD:
Yes. We know.
KIDS:
What?
HEAD GUARD:
Her Majesty would pay any money
for her husband's safe return.
ERIC chokes. The other KIDS react with shock.
ERIC:
"Her husband"?!?
HEAD GUARD:
Aye, can he that deny?
ERIC:
Yes! I fucking well ca...
A thought hits him. The HEAD GUARD starts unravelling a scroll.
ERIC:
Unless...
ERIC looks desperately from the HEAD GUARD to PISTOL, who smiles at him encouragingly, to DIANA, who's eyes narrow as she begins to seethe.
ERIC:
...no...
DIANA:
(dangerously calm)
What?
HEAD GUARD:
Eric of Zinn, you are hereby
arrested...
ERIC:
...No!
HEAD GUARD:
...under the order of your wife
and Queen for Breach of Promise
and under the law of this land
for the crime of Adultery...
SHEILA:
(quietly)
Zinn was deposed...
PRESTO:
(over her)
But he's not married!
PISTOL:
He was! I remember! We had
little flags to wave...
BOBBY:
Hey... there may have been a
wedding, but it's like The
Princess Bride... if he didn't
say "I Do"...
ERIC just looks at BOBBY, horrified.
BOBBY:
If he didn't... if he...
PRESTO:
Oh God. Tell me you weren't
that dumb!
ERIC:
I... I was young, OK...
PRESTO sighs in despair. DIANA fumes quietly.
DIANA:
(hisses)
You fucking idiot!
The HEAD GUARD puts a hand on ERIC's shoulder.
HEAD GUARD:
(to NYM)
We'll take it from here, lass.
NYM grins and holds out her hand, expectantly.
NYM:
Great!
The HEAD GUARD looks down at NYM's extended hand, then shakes it.
HEAD GUARD:
Well done, you.
NYM looks down at her hand.
PISTOL:
(coughs politely)
Um... our reward?
HEAD GUARD:
You mentioned in your message
that you were loyal citizens of
Zinn. Yes?
NYM:
Yes! Extremely patriotic.
HEAD GUARD:
Then what other reward could
you ask save seeing your
Queen's honour restored?
PISTOL:
But... but...
HEAD GUARD:
You were the ones who informed
us he was committing Adultery,
for which he had to be
arrested, and you have no power
to arrest. Now, unless you know
the whereabouts of His
Highness' mistress...
ERIC and DIANA share a brief, desperate glance. NYM's eyes light up. She holds out her hand again.
NYM:
Wouldn't you know, it's slipped
my mind...
The HEAD GUARD shrugs and begins ushering ERIC away.
HEAD GUARD:
I suppose that can't be helped.
It is of little concern to Her
Majesty anyway, so long as her
darling husband is returned.
PISTOL and NYM stand stock still as their frustration grows. NYM's hand is still outstretched. DIANA tries to make a dash at ERIC, but PRESTO stops her.
PRESTO:
There's too many of them. And
there's more nearby. Zinn meant
business. We're gonna have to
think of a different way.
SHEILA:
I don't understand it. Zinn's
not Queen any more.
DIANA:
(furious, ignoring SHEILA)
I'm gonna get him back! I'm
gonna get him back and then I'm
gonna kick his sorry White ass
from here to Albuquerque!
BOBBY helps PRESTO restrain DIANA.
PRESTO:
Shh. C'mon. We've still got an
appointment to keep, who might
be able to help us.
DIANA:
(fighting the boys off)
You're all Bastards!
She gives HANK a foul Look.
DIANA:
You're all the same!
On ERIC, being led away by the Guards.
DIANA:
(O/S)
I hate him! I Hate him!!!
ERIC winces at her words.
ERIC:
Jesus. That's it. The worst
thing your Queen could do to
me, right there.
HEAD GUARD:
You think so? You have been
away a long time.
CUT TO
EXT: Jungle, Day.
The KIDS and UNI are traipsing through the jungle. DIANA now trails, still hunched with rage.
SHEILA:
The big question isn't whether
Eric's still married...
HANK:
...tell that to Diana...
SHEILA:
...it's whether Zinn is still
Queen. Lawrence took her place!
The others stop and look at her.
HANK:
Oh yeah.
NYM:
(O/S)
There was a coup.
The kids all stare as PISTOL and NYM emerge from the bushes behind DIANA.
BOBBY:
What are you still doing here?
PISTOL:
We've just been cheated out of
the biggest payout we've ever
been offered...
NYM:
...and we also couldn't help
but notice that you seem to be
walking around with our best
crossbow.
HANK automatically strokes Big Sally, protectively.
HANK:
Finders keepers.
NYM squares up to HANK.
NYM:
Fair enough. Then we'll just
let Her Majesty keep a hold of
your Cavalier.
HANK shrugs.
PRESTO:
Wait a minute. You mean,
otherwise you'd help us? I
thought you said you were loyal
subjects?
NYM:
Patriotism's a wonderful thing,
Wizard, but it never put bread
on the table yet.
PISTOL:
I preferred Lawrence, anyway.
SHEILA:
You mentioned a coup...
NYM:
Give us our bow back.
HANK steps back.
HANK:
No!
DIANA:
For fuck's sake, Hank...
PRESTO takes a step toward PISTOL and NYM.
PRESTO:
Listen. Where we're going has
treasure. We'll pay you for
your job and for the bow and
then some.
PISTOL and NYM look at each other, then at PRESTO. NYM wipes a small build-up of saliva from the corner of her mouth.
PISTOL:
Treasure?
PRESTO:
Lots. Now just tell us all you
know about Zinn.
PISTOL and NYM look at each other.
CUT TO
EXT Jungle, early evening.
The KIDS, UNI, PISTOL and NYM are still walking through the jungle. NYM and HANK are watching each other closely.
PRESTO:
...and you don't know who
staged the coup?
PISTOL shakes his head.
PISTOL:
We just woke up one morning and
there were all these Orcs
running about. Next thing we
heard, Lawrence was gone and
Zinn was back. That's about
when we left the orphanage to
seek our fortunes Bounty
Hunting.
SHEILA:
I hope Lawrence is OK.
PISTOL:
We haven't heard of him since.
On HANK. He catches NYM watching him.
NYM:
So you're the Thief.
HANK:
Nope.
He points out SHEILA.
HANK:
She is.
NYM:
Her? But she's tiny! She
knocked me out cold!
HANK smiles to himself.
NYM:
I might have to kill her.
HANK:
You do, and I'll give you such
a pinch...
NYM laughs a little.
NYM:
Like that, is it?
HANK:
It was once. Not any more. What
about you and the Beast?
NYM:
Please. Pistol's my adopted
brother. That is, we adopted
each other. He's half ogre. It
shows, doesn't it?
HANK:
A tad.
Back on the others, with PISTOL.
DIANA:
Tell me Zinn's still a monster,
at least...
PISTOL:
"Monster"? Majesty's a very
pretty lady. Not like the
Beasties we'd get round the
outskirting swamps...
BOBBY:
That where you grew up?
PISTOL:
How could you tell?
BOBBY:
Just a hunch.
PISTOL:
You're finking I'm the beastie,
aren't you?
The KIDS just look at him. He scowls.
PISTOL:
I ain't like that. Horrid
things went on in those swamps
while I was a little 'un. I
don't do that kind of stuff.
PRESTO:
What stuff?
PISTOL:
Word went round that it wasn't
safe for young men to go out
alone. There was a She-Beastie.
She'd attack 'em.
DIANA:
Attack them how? And how young?
PISTOL:
Very. Boys with fuzzy chins.
She... marked them.
PRESTO gives PISTOL a troubled glance. PISTOL smiles back, shyly. DIANA shudders and quickens her pace.
DIANA:
Where is this damn ally,
anyway?
PRESTO:
Not far now.
DIANA:
Good. The sooner we can get
that Son Of A Bitch back the
better. They'll have handed him
over to... Her by now.
PISTOL:
Oh no, not yet.
DIANA looks up at him, relieved.
PISTOL:
They'll have handed him over to
the Orcs first.
CUT TO
INT: Spartan, stone room. Evening.
The room has practically no furniture and very small, high windows. The door is shut and well bolted. In it, five ORCs surround ERIC, who has lost his breastplate, cape and one boot. The ORCs are all laughing. Three of them have him lifted off the ground. ERIC writhes furiously in their grasps, like a cat that doesn't want to be picked up. ORC 1, holding ERIC by the hair, pulls his chainmail shirt off him. As he pulls it over his head, ERIC twists his face up and bites ORC 1's hand.
ORC 1:
Gaah!
ORC 1 jumps back, cradling his hand. ERIC's bite has drawn blood. The other ORCs react in surprise, giving ERIC chance to wriggle free. The ORCs still encircle him, however, and he turns this way and that, looking for a weak spot. He looks like a cornered animal, his muscles tensed, his hands clawed, his lips and bared teeth stained with dark Orc blood.
ORC 2:
Careful. He's a Biter.
ORC 3, who is much larger than the others, makes a grab at ERIC's hands from behind him, and pins them behind his back.
ORC 3:
The rope.
ORC 4 also steps behind ERIC and forces a gag of thick rope between his teeth. As he ties the gag and hands ORC 3 another length of rope to tie his hands, ORC 1 walks up to ERIC, drawing a knife and smiling evilly. He holds the point of the knife against ERIC's throat, then with a fast downwards stroke, cuts his undershirt off him. ERIC tries to kick out at him, but ORC 1 leaps aside, laughing. ORC 4 rips the undershirt off ERIC's back. He sees the burn and reacts in disgust.
ORC 4:
What's that?
ORC 4 pushes ERIC forward so hard that he stumbles and topples to his knees. Since he can't put his hands out to stop the fall, his head hits the ground and he becomes still for a moment, hunched over, dazed. The ORCs crowd in on him, staring at the burn on his shoulder.
ORC 2:
It's revolting.
ORC 3 cocks his head slightly, regarding the scar.
ORC 3:
I like it.
ORC 3 stoops, and runs a hand over the scar. ERIC flinches.
ORC 3:
Humans are so fragile.
ORC 3 reaches a decision and stands, loosening his belt.
ORC 3:
Hold him down and open his legs.
ERIC begins to scream, muffled by the gag, as two ORCs pin him to the floor by his shoulders and ankles.
ZINN:
(O/S)
Am I interrupting something?
ORC 3 stops in his tracks, and turns to the door, embarrassed. ZINN, a sharp faced, middle aged woman once more, stands at the door brandishing a large bunch of keys and a medium sized, jewel tipped wand.
ZINN:
Thug, I told you to have him
stripped and restrained. And
nothing more.
ORC 3 (AKA THUG) hangs his head.
THUG:
Sorry Majesty. It's just...
he's spoiled already.
THUG indicates ERIC's scar. ZINN walks over and examines it, then nods to herself, indicating for the other ORCs to pull ERIC up to his feet.
ZINN:
Hmm. Seems as though Venger got
to him first...
ERIC now on his feet, still restrained by two ORCs, meets ZINN with a look of utter loathing.
ZINN:
...Hello, Pooky... but it also
appears that he has now been
plucked, which is a pity.
ZINN takes a step back and watches ERIC.
ZINN:
I expect you're wondering how I
got my crown back. Not to
mention my figure. I've had
quite a lucky streak recently.
Unlike you, it seems. Perhaps
there's a lesson to be learned
here about keeping our
promises? Hmm?
She watches ERIC again. He regards her with a bubbling hatred and anger. ZINN turns away briefly, then spins back round to him, wielding the wand, bringing it hard into his stomach. As it meets his flesh, it crackles with magical energy. ERIC falls back in the ORCs arms, winded.
ZINN:
You ran away! Humiliated me!
Broke your promises, and then
you let some little slut take
the chastity that you were so
desperate to defend from your
own wife!
ZINN slams the wand into ERIC's stomach again, and again it sparks. ERIC chokes. A thick stream of vomit begins to pour out from behind the gag. The ORCs release him and he sinks to his knees. ZINN watches this for a moment, then pulls the gag from his mouth.
ZINN:
Well? What do you have to say
for yourself?
ERIC spits out a mouthful of vomit, and grins up at her.
ERIC:
I want a divorce, bitch.
ZINN swings the wand up high, and then down hard onto the side of ERIC's head. He falls with it, but remains conscious. ZINN sighs and folds her arms.
ZINN:
Well, as much as I'd love to
stand around chatting, my dear,
I'm afraid it's time for us to
come to the unpleasant issue of
your punishment.
ERIC:
That... wasn't my punishment?
ZINN:
That was just my little way of
saying 'Welcome home, and don't
ever think about leaving
again'. You committed Adultery,
and that's a grave crime in
this land.
She turns to leave, addressing the ORCs.
ZINN:
Bring him to the tower.
CUT TO
EXT Swampy Jungle, Evening.
The others are still walking, with HANK and NYM still in the rear. PRESTO is frowning in concentration. DIANA is growing increasingly edgy.
DIANA:
Are we nearly there yet?
PRESTO stops, thoughtfully.
PRESTO:
...yeah...
NYM and HANK catch up with them.
NYM:
Why are we stopping? There's
nothing here.
SHEILA turns round to her.
SHEILA:
Shh. Don't question the Wizard.
NYM just rolls her eyes. The ground shakes, ever so slightly.
BOBBY:
Uh-oh...
PRESTO puts a finger to his lips.
There is a long pause. Everybody stays perfectly still. There is another rumble. It grows.
PRESTO:
Everybody get down!
Everyone drops into the swamp. BOBBY holds UNI steady.
SHEILA:
What's going on?
PRESTO:
Whatever happens, don't move.
The rumble continues to grow. Suddenly, the swamp right in front of them erupts. Out of it screams an immense creature, covered in mud, leaving a wide chasm in the swamp from which it has burst. The creature flies up as high as the treetops, then drops back down to the ground, heavily, sending mud and mire flying. A wide, toothy snarl forms in the centre of the mud, and the long tendrils rising from it shake themselves free of the muck.
On HANK, looking up silently from the swamp at the monster. His mouth automatically forms the word "Tiamat".
Which, indeed, it is. She shakes the worst of the mud off her main head. Her black and blue necks end in stumps, and her six remaining eyes are a cloudy white. She is still, however, a threatening presence. She stomps slowly over toward the KIDS, sniffing.
TIAMAT:
I know you are here. You stink
of Venger.
Nobody replies, or moves. TIAMAT sniffs at PISTOL and NYM.
TIAMAT:
But you have brought an
offering...
PISTOL shoots NYM a horrified look, but NYM is already on her knees, pointing her crossbow at the Dragon. HANK is also up on his knees, and draws back his magical bow.
HANK:
They're with us, Tiamat.
They're not for you.
TIAMAT grimaces, looking blankly in his direction.
TIAMAT:
The Ranger.
HANK:
Oh God! You're blind!
He lowers his bow. The others begin to rise.
BOBBY:
What happened?
TIAMAT, snarling, backs away.
TIAMAT:
It is no concern of yours,
Barbarian. There was a battle,
and I lost. Now begone from my
home. I do not know why I
should not kill you, you
minions of Venger.
BOBBY scowls.
BOBBY:
We are not!
PRESTO steps forward, putting a hand on BOBBY's shoulder.
PRESTO:
Who fought you? Who took your
heads and your eyes?
TIAMAT hisses.
PRESTO:
Furnus took your fire, too,
didn't she?
TIAMAT recoils, suddenly outraged.
TIAMAT:
Do not mention that NAME!
She screams at PRESTO, spitting electricity and poison at him. He leaps back, and it misses. A crossbow bolt flies suddenly just over TIAMAT's main head. She notices it whizzing past her and turns, snarling, to NYM who stands behind the dragon, pointing her crossbow squarely at her.
NYM:
That was a warning shot. I
never miss.
TIAMAT:
I do not fear death.
NYM:
Perhaps, but if you don't want
to lose another head you're
going to have to behave.
TIAMAT growls sullenly, then sniffs the air again.
TIAMAT:
The Cavalier is missing.
She sniffs at DIANA.
TIAMAT:
But the Acrobat mated with him
only last night.
DIANA rolls her eyes.
SHEILA:
"Fetching water", huh?
DIANA:
You know me.
HANK:
Zinn had him arrested.
TIAMAT:
Ah. Yes. Furnus' puppet has
scores to settle with her
young husband.
PRESTO:
She's working for Furnus? God!
DIANA turns on PRESTO.
DIANA:
We shouldn't have left him!
PRESTO:
God... I've left him to Furnus.
TIAMAT:
The Queen will not relinquish
her husband to Furnus until she
has had her use out of him. She
is still only half married, and
that is no good to her.
DIANA:
Oh they're married all right.
TIAMAT:
In law, yes. In fact, no. The
union must be consummated.
DIANA's eyes narrow.
DIANA:
He wouldn't dare.
TIAMAT:
He will have no say in it.
DIANA:
What?
TIAMAT turns back to her hole.
TIAMAT:
We live in dark days.
DIANA and SHEILA both begin to follow her.
DIANA:
What does that mean?
SHEILA:
Wait! Does this mean that
Furnus was the one who
overthrew Lawrence?
TIAMAT turns back to her.
SHEILA:
Is... is he all right?
In the background, HANK looks to the heavens. This is noticed by NYM.
TIAMAT:
I am sure that his soul has
found peace. He was a good man.
SHEILA:
(whispers)
...no...
Her eyes fill with tears. She stumbles backwards into BOBBY's arms. Her brother holds her tight as she sobs.
SHEILA:
No!
BOBBY:
He's... dead?
TIAMAT:
You still don't know?
Beat. The KIDS all look utterly bewildered.
TIAMAT:
Not even the Wizard?
PRESTO:
I... don't understand...
TIAMAT brings her main head down to their level.
TIAMAT:
(whispers)
They are all dead. She found
them, and she killed them.
BOBBY:
Who?
TIAMAT:
Your friends. Your allies. The
unicorn is the only one I know
of that still walks.
PRESTO:
They can't be... they can't...
TIAMAT:
He kept accounts of them, this
wonderful new friend of yours.
And he told Furnus, and when
you changed him and left, she
took revenge.
HANK:
That's impossible. Furnus
replaced Venger. They never
knew each other when he was
evil.
TIAMAT laughs.
TIAMAT:
Silly children! Has he not told
you that, either? Their
marriage is several hundred
years old now...
On HANK, looking up at TIAMAT with rage and horror.
TIAMAT:
(O/S)
...although he didn't pass on
the details of your friends
until our meeting in the
Dragons' Graveyard proved to
him that you had the capability
to win.
On PRESTO, his mouth agape. Tears well in his eyes and a thin line of blood begins to drip from one of his nostrils. He strains to breathe.
TIAMAT:
(O/S)
Perhaps had you killed him when
you had the chance, none of
this would have happened.
PRESTO:
I can't... I can't...
He slumps in a faint. PISTOL and DIANA go to help him.
TIAMAT:
You have an hour to mourn. If
you wish to recover the
Cavalier we must get to them by
dawn.
DIANA:
It's still not too late?
NYM:
The minimum sentence for
Adultery is a night's solitary
in the tower. No conjugal
rights are allowed until it's
been served.
DIANA:
What did she mean, "He'd have
no say in it"?
She looks around at the others, who are all too caught up in their own misery to reply. TIAMAT's white head snakes up to DIANA's ear and whispers to her. DIANA's eyes widen.
CUT TO