EPISODE 7: The White Queen
PART TWO
Presto woke early, shivering in the cold of the dawn. Although the blankets
his hat had provided were thick, he was still freezing. He wrapped himself
tightly and wished that he could still trust fires to be left unguarded.
But they had been too near to Furnus too many times now. She was looking
for them. And there were the Others that the Fire Demon had spoken of,
not to mention whoever had hired those Bounty Hunters. He had found the
account of the girl Nym and her Ogre particularly worrying. Somebody wanted
to split his group up. Somebody wanted to pick them apart. Presto remembered
the words of the Black Knight and shuddered. He knew the ghost was still
trying to get out of his friend. He knew he was still haunted in his sleep.
Or at least, he had been. Diana seemed to be doing him the world of good.
For the two nights they'd spent as an item, she had curled up under the
same blanket as him and he had held onto her tightly as he slept, and
the whimpering and grovelling and pleading for help had become contended
snores. Hell, there wasn't even snoring now. There was nothing. Presto
opened his eyes blearily and put on his glasses. There were Bobby and
Sheila, snuggled into Uni's warm belly, there was Hank, a short way off,
entirely cocooned inside his blanket, but with both bows and his remaining
ammo within arm's reach. There was a two person dent in the grass nearby,
where Eric and Diana had been, but the couple were gone. Presto sat up,
gasping, and then his brain made a little more sense of his surroundings.
They were gone, but so was their blanket. And their boots, which they
had kicked off before they'd gone to sleep. There were two sets of booted
footprints in the freezing dew leading off into a copse of trees. He concentrated
a little, focusing on his friends so that he could accertain their safety
without intruding.
There they were. Two minds, close by, at ease. Full of smut, admittedly,
but then their minds were often full of smut and Presto didn't dare imagine
what their bodies were doing right then. Eric was trying to remember the
words to Bohemian Rhapsody so he didn't suppose they'd be gone much longer.
They were OK. That's what counted. Presto reached wordlessly into his hat
and retrieved a steaming cup of sweet, milky coffee. He'd worked out how
to check up on the other adventurers' minds quite early on. It was easy
once you knew how, like looking at a magic eye picture, and a really useful
trick. He wondered at how many times Dungeon Master... Whitewood... had
used it, contenting himself of their safety while they were bemoaning his
absence.
He sipped his coffee.
Still, it would be dumb to suggest that the old man had been perfect. So
they'd been triumphant. At what cost? No kid could have gone through what
they had done and retain all of their innocence, or trust, or... or sanity,
he guessed. He'd been sent to a child psychologist for several months afterwards,
as had Bobby and Sheila, although they'd all had to remember to stick to
the "the ride broke and there was fire and I think I passed out because
I don't know how long I was in there and what do you mean all of a sudden
I'm half a foot taller?" story. Diana had refused to go, as had Hank,
and they'd both ended up as screwed up as you please. Eric's father had
just yelled that the only specialist his son needed was a plastic surgeon,
but then Eric should have been allowed to see a shrink long, long before
the realm. The old Cavalier had simply replaced one set of neuroses and
unhealthy coping mechanisms with some different ones.
He wondered about the White Queen. How old was she supposed to be? Sixteen?
And alone, and trapped by Venger, and very, very powerful. He remembered
that first rush, from being gifted in an unmagical world like Earth, to
being somewhere like the Realm. As if somebody had just turned the volume
up on you, and you went all the way to eleven. And if you weren't careful,
all you'd get would be feedback. He felt sorry for her already.
But that wasn't the way to go. He had to remember that nobody could possibly
know what it was like to have his power. He had to remember he couldn't
share. There would not be another Varla situation. Not ever.
There was a rustling from the copse. Presto smiled to himself and pulled
out two more coffees.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
The Humans and the Unicorn were walking side by side.
They did their very best to find the Wonderland I hide,
And this was odd because there was no clue for them, or guide.
"Come walk with me," the Tall Boy said, his hair and skin like
sand,
Lead Unicorn to Nigress from a hot and distant land,
And this was odd because she held the Black Haired Knight's white hand.
And met they were by Freckle Face, a girl all fair beguiling,
And Blue Eyes walked all weaponsy behind them all the whiling,
And this was odd because he frowned while all the rest were smiling.
And Sorcerer, he looks for me, I'm awfully glad he came.
He thinks that he can best me, with his friends against my game.
And this is odd, because, you see,
If they should try to challenge me,
I'll find what makes them fidgety and win them all the same.
* * * * * * * * * * *
Hank fell behind as the others walked in a clump together. The only person
who ever bothered him when he wanted to be alone was Sheila, and besides
the evening before, she had kept her distance after the split. Besides, she
was distracted now. She was walking between Diana and Bobby, dwarfed by the
taller girl and her big little brother, giggling and gossiping and teasing
the new couple, the way the others had done to her and Hank when they'd found
out they were dating. Presto and Eric had shared a customary brief exchange
of insults, but now the Wizard (Hank had noticed nobody ever called him Magician
any more) was walking slightly ahead, muttering softly to himself and the
Unicorn. Eric laughed at something Sheila had said. Sheila laughed too, darting
around Diana and taking Eric's spare arm, mocking the way Diana was holding
his hand.
Making him central. Between the two girls, and the two younger boys. At
the front, in the middle. Adored. In your place!
Hank scowled, unseen. Jesus! What had happened to the lonely fuck-up? The
snidey loser that everyone loved to hate? Where was he?
He's sulking at the back, Hanky-Boy, same as always.
Hank blinked. Eric was still laughing.
"
Well Diddle-ee dee dee dee, two ladies!"
He put his arms around the two girls.
"
Yeah, right," mocked Diana, "he can barely handle one of us!"
"The Dungeon Master never told you of your rival, did he?"
"
That's just fine," sneered Eric, taking his hand off Diana's shoulder, "if
you don't want to play, we'll be going. C'mon, Sheila."
He humphed, tossing his head away from the Acrobat and started to quicken
his pace, still holding onto Sheila. Sheila mirrored his melodramatic gesture
primly and started to speed up with him.
"How you would be... usurped?"
The others, even Presto, started to laugh as Eric and Sheila broke into
a scrappy run up the hill they'd been climbing. Hank fumed, his fingers itching...
to form a fist? No...
Big Sally! Big Sally! That'll stop 'em laughing!
The laughter grew as Eric quickly realised that sprinting, fully armoured
and armed uphill while dragging a girl behind him, was unlikely to work for
long. After a few seconds, Sheila over took him, and moments later he had
released her hand and sunk to his knees, panting happily.
But Hank couldn't relax. He watched Sheila continue to run up the hill,
and kept his gaze away from Eric's cocky grin, and kept walking.
Eric looked up at Diana as she met him, holding up a hand for her to help
him to his feet.
"
You win," he said.
Diana dismissed the hand.
"
Thank God. I don't know what I'd do without her."
She ruffled her lover's hair and jogged away from him.
"
Sheila!" she yelled, "don't you ever leave me again!"
Eric continued to hold his hand out at Bobby, as he passed, clicking his
fingers for some attention. Bobby smiled a wide, warm Bobby smile and ignored
him entirely. He was about to start pushing himself up when a hand finally
caught his. He was pulled up roughly and spun around to meet Hank's furious
face.
"
Ha..." was all that Eric managed to say before he was cut off by a hoarse,
angry whisper.
"
What the fuck was all that about?"
Hank was surprised by the ease with which Eric managed to wrench his hand
out of his grasp.
"
What, she's not allowed to smile any more?" Eric matched Hank's volume,
and his anger. "She's not allowed to feel attractive or wanted?"
"
So you do find her attractive?"
"
Dude, what are you, insane? I'm not blind, the woman's fucking gorgeous!"
Hank's fists bunched.
"
But in case you forgot," continued Eric in a whisper, "I also just
happen to be in love with her best friend, so I'd say I was pretty safe,
wouldn't you?"
Oh yeah, nobody would have sex with the girl he loves' best friend, would
he?
"
Wouldn't you?"
Hank shook his head a little at the confusion of the two contradicting Eric
voices. He was saved having to come up with any kind of coherent answer by
Sheila's voice coming from the top of the hill.
"
Guys? You'd better come look at this..."
Hank and Eric both looked up at Sheila. The others had also got to the crest
of the hill and were gazing off, amazed. Hank started to make his way uphill,
after treating Eric to one last, brief, threatening scowl, which the other
youth met with a silent sarcasm.
Meeting up with the others, Hank saw what they were staring at, and gasped
a little himself. There was another hill, identical to the one they had climbed.
So precisely identical that at the top, five youngsters and a white Unicorn
stood and stared in wonder back at them. Dreamily, Hank waved his right hand
at them. On the other hill, a scruffy blond man in green with two bows and
a lot of ammo strapped to him returned the wave with his left hand.
"
Jesus," he thought as a heavily armoured man stomped into view on the
other hill and stopped in amazement, "I really do look like Evil Legolas!"
"
It's a mirror..." muttered Presto, behind him.
The tall Barbarian on the other hill stooped to pick something up, then
hurled it. A small pebble went whizzing past Hank's ear. By the time it hit
the mirror in the middle of the valley between the hills, it had run out
of a lot of momentum, and didn't smash the glass, but bounced off it and
fell the fifty or so feet to the ground.
"
Must be huge," breathed Bobby.
"
Well," sighed Presto as he began to make his way down the hill, "I
guess we found her."
Diana jogged after him. "I wonder what the mirror's all about."
"
Hey, she's nuts, remember?" joked Eric, speeding up as he descended, "take
it from someone who Sees Dead People, these things don't have to make any
sense."
Hank took up the rear (again...) and walked, watching the others meet their reflections in the middle of the valley.
Presto walked up to the smooth glass, cautiously, looking along it for some
sign of a door. Seeing nothing, he put his hand against it, hoping to feel
a join or weakness in its surface. His fingertips touched those of his reflection.
He felt the jolt, like an electric shock, and automatically yanked his hand
away. That wasn't right. The magical energy had been passed to him from his
reflection's hands, as though his mirror image had power too! Diana pouted
slightly at the mirror, her hands on her hips.
"
How d'you suppose we get in?"
Bobby grinned back, his raised club glowing with energy.
"
We could knock!"
Presto's eyes widened as the boy took a swing back with his weapon and was
only just able to say "No, Bob..." before club hit reflection of
club. There was a flash of magic on magic, and Bobby was thrown back, his
weapon sent flying out of his hands. Eric had to duck to prevent it hitting
him and, once the kid had looked up, surprised but unhurt from the ground,
huffed irritably.
"
Nice going, He-Man."
"
Bite me." Bobby picked himself up, and Hank passed him his club.
Sheila stepped up to the mirror, running her own small, faintly freckled
fingers against it.
"
There has to be a door or something round here..."
It was just as the others stepped up to help her search the surface that
Presto saw it - Sheila was looking at him through the mirror, a mischievous
glint in her eyes.
She was giving him That Look! The look she never gave him, the sharing of
a private wicked thought that she only ever gave to Diana as she was gossiping,
or to Hank before the split, whenever they were suddenly taken very tired
and had to go home to bed immediately. He could tell from the mirror that
there was nobody else behind him, and she was definitely meeting his gaze.
What had happened? What was she thinking? What did she want him to do?
His train of thought was interrupted when Sheila's reflection pushed its
dainty hands through the glass as though it were water and grabbed the real
Sheila by the wrists. Still grinning wickedly at Presto, it tugged at the
Thief, pulling her into the mirror.
The mirror couldn't have chosen a better bait. As one, her only sibling,
two best friends, ex boyfriend and secret admirer decided that they were
the one to rescue her and charged mindlessly after her. Their reflections
stood aside and let them pass through.
There was a pause, and for a moment the Unicorn stared silently at her reflection
as it wobbled with the aftershock of the six bodies passing through the glass.
Then something strange happened. The reflected Unicorn pushed itself up to
stand on two legs, like a human. It stepped back and gestured courteously
to its real counterpart, waving a hoof into the depths of the reflection,
inviting her in.
Then another strange thing happened. The Unicorn, watching on four legs,
rolled her eyes despondently and sighed.
"
Oh Bloody Hell."
And she walked in after them.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
How doth the little Conjurer
Deceive his little friends!
He looks in Wonder at my Land
And, pie-eyed, he pretends
That he, like them, knows nothing
Of how the game must end.
(But he, of course, knows less than me.
On that I can depend!)
* * * * * * * * * * * *
"OK... OK..."
Sheila allowed her brother to pick her off the floor. Her knees and the
palms of her hands stung from where she'd hit the ground, and her heart
was racing from the adrenaline of the shock and the fall. Apart from that
she was OK.
"
OK?" asked Bobby.
"
OK," she sighed.
She turned around, looking for her errant reflection. There it was, in the
large mirror behind her with the others', laughing and pulling funny faces
at her. Only it wasn't green hills reflected in the background now, but a
large, flat plain. But that wasn't right! Even for the Realm it was definitely
not right. She turned from the mirror to face the new landscape.
"Okaaay..." muttered Eric. This was just too weird. The plain
was separated into squares - perfect squares about a mile in width each of
different terrain. The square of grass that they all stood on was flanked
by a square lake and a square desert, with a square of forest ahead of them.
Only that the trees in the forest weren't real trees. They were completely
black, and simplistic, and only seemed to come in two shapes. Eric's head
skewed to one side as he squinted at the "trees". He hadn't been
mistaken. They were the black suits from a pack of cards. Row upon row of
clubs and spades were growing from the soil. Eric was barely aware that his
jaw had dropped open slightly as he stared past the forest, and the many
squares after that at the giant castle in the middle of the plain. But it
wasn't a castle... well, it was... it was a chess castle. A Rook. It was
huge, around the same size as Darkhaven, but taller. And it was covered in...
what were those? Eric squinted. Giant ladders, propped up against the Rook,
climbing to various different levels. And what else? Long things, hanging
from windows, moving slightly. He grimaced as the realisation dawned. Snakes.
Big, fuck-off snakes.
"
Well," he said eventually, "we're not in Kansas any more."
"
We're not even in Oz any more..." breathed Diana from behind him.
"
Greetings, travellers!" came a familiar and welcome voice.
Eric's heart leapt into his throat.
"
DM!"
He knew it! He knew all along he wasn't dead. How could he be dead? That
was stupid!
Eric span around, searching the ground for the little bastard, wanting to
weep with joy and relief. He was gonna grab hold of him and hug him and kiss
that hideous bald head of his until he wished he had died! But he wasn't
there. Eric looked on the ground all around him. There was grass, and his
own feet, and four pairs of boots, two fur, two leather, and a green robe
and four hooves. And that was all. The others had gone very quiet. Sheila
was sniffing a little.
"
Where is he?" he asked, eyes still down, his heart beginning to sink.
"
Eric..." said Diana softly, taking his hand. Automatically, he looked
up.
"
Oh." His sinking heart didn't stop where it should have, and carried
on falling through his guts.
The Old Dungeon Master's wizened face would have suited a chimp, or some
other sort of simian animal. It certainly did not sit well on the body of
the large, ginger cat that smiled at them, suspended magically in mid-air.
"
I'm sorry," he purred in that gentle, comforting old voice, "were
you expecting somebody else?"
Sheila nodded, wiping away tears of disappointment and renewed grief.
"
Who are you?"
"
My name is Cheshire Puss. My friend the White Queen has asked for me to
guide you to her palace."
The cat grinned at them wildly, baring rows of sharp, white teeth. Eric
found himself recoiling, disgusted at the sight of fangs on the old man's
face.
Hank stepped forward a little.
"
What does she want with us?"
"
Company, beloved Ranger. That is all. She has been watching you." The
cat flicked a glance at Presto. "She likes you. She sees that you are
the same as her."
"
Because we're from Earth, too?" asked Diana.
"
My dear, sweet child," replied the cat in the kindly tones that Diana
had missed so much, "I'm afraid it is because you, like her, are all
quite, quite mad."
"
What?!?"
The cat was beginning to fade away, only his terrible toothsome smile remaining
opaque.
"
Mind the gap!" said the smile, and then it was gone.
The kids watched the empty space where the cat had been, and then looked
nervously at one another.
"
Yeah, right," said Eric, half smiling, "like it's us who's crazy..."
But how many times had he been referred to a shrink and not gone? From when
his Mom left and he started getting into trouble at school right up to his
last night on Earth. It had to have been about ten different times. That
doesn't happen to normal, healthy people. And then there were the nightmares.
The Black Knight, holding his father's soul to ransom, beckoning him into
Hell.
A steam train engine whistled right behind him, making him jump and spin
around.
"
Jesus Christ!"
They all stared agog at the large, black locomotive that was suddenly stopped
on the grass a few yards from where they stood. It wasn't on tracks, but
it was pointed straight at the castle.
"
I'm starting to feel like I am going nuts..." murmured Bobby.
"
Don't say that," hissed Presto. "It's her that's mad, it's this
place. Not you."
The door to the carriage swung open, and a fat, foul faced woman stood in
the doorway. She was clutching a baby wrapped in blankets to her, tightly.
"
All aboard!" she ordered.
She was met with a sea of blank faces.
"
Come on, now! All aboard! In the name of Her Majesty!"
Presto looked at the others.
"
It's the quickest way," he shrugged, "we've got to meet the Queen
anyway."
Hank nodded in agreement, giving the Black Suit Forest a look of distrust,
and was the first to step toward the carriage door.
"
Tickets," snarled the woman, blocking his way.
"
But you said..." started Bobby.
"
I need to see your tickets!"
"
We don't have any tickets," said Diana, politely.
The woman fixed Diana with a look of utter contempt and anger.
"
LLLLLIAAAARRR!!!"
The strength of the hatred in the other woman's eyes and voice caused Diana
to reel back a little. But she knew what she was talking about. Dear God,
she knew what she was talking about, and it wasn't tickets.
"
We do have tickets." Presto reached dreamily into his hat and produced
six playing cards. He passed them out to the others. Bobby and Sheila compared
cards.
"
They've got our faces on them." Sheila looked worriedly at her own face
on the Queen of Hearts.
The fat woman reached down and snatched it off her, giving it to the baby
in her arms. The baby sat up a little, peering at the card with piggy eyes.
Because it was a pig.
It brought out a pair of clippers in a fat trotter and clipped the ticket.
Sheila winced.
"
Ow!"
The woman pulled her up onto the train, then reached down for the other
cards.
Jack of Clubs. "Ow!"
King of Hearts. "Dammit!"
King of Wands. "Geez!"
Queen of Diamonds. A pained whimper.
King of Diamonds. "Ow! Fuck!"
Only as Eric passed her at the door, she caught his wrist and whispered
to him.
"
You promised! There's still a way we can break the curse. You have to! You
promised!"
Eric didn't look at her, but desperately tried to wriggle himself out of
her grip.
No! No, it couldn't be her... how had she found him? It couldn't be her,
anything but that... but again, he couldn't struggle free.
(Please, God, no...)
He turned to her, his free hand searching for his sword, but nobody was
there. Only a shut carriage door with the countryside beyond slowly beginning
to roll away.
He went to sit with the others. They watched the strange landscape move
past them through the windows, and nobody noticed that there wasn't a Unicorn
with them any more.