EPISODE 6: Knight of the Living Dead (part 2)
CUT TO
INT Small underground room.
There is little in the tiny room bar a sturdy, locked door and three cages. They are all around six foot cubed, vertically barred. In the centre cage lies DIANA, still unconscious, still wearing Eric's cape. In the left cage, ERIC sits hunched up, watching DIANA through furious, reddened eyes. Neither has their weapons. On DIANA. She stirs and opens her eyes.
DIANA:
What...?
ERIC:
Congratulations, Dee. I
honestly thought that
yesterday's shenanigans were
the stupidest you could get,
but yet again, you've proved me
wrong.
DIANA sits up.
DIANA:
Hey you're the one who ran off
this time...
She looks closer at ERIC.
ERIC:
I thought I'd found a survivor.
How was I to know she'd turn
out to be a ruthless bounty
hunter with her own personal
gorilla?
DIANA:
Have you been crying?
ERIC:
I got an eyeful of Mace for
waking up on our little trip
underground. But I did get
chance to find out you and me
have prices on our heads.
Somebody wants us alive before
Furnus can have her little
human barbecue.
DIANA:
Wow. Who'd want us two alone?
Apart from me and you, that is.
DIANA smiles at ERIC.
ERIC:
Nononono. You can stop trying
to be cute right now. I'm still
mad at you.
DIANA:
You're always mad at me.
ERIC stands.
ERIC:
Because you're infuriating!
DIANA also rises.
DIANA:
I'm infuriating?!? You play
around with me from day one of
adolescence, with your teasing
and your loaded comments and
your little presents, and then
the hugging and the hair
tucking and the photobooth
picture, and you kiss me first,
and then when I say that I want
you, you turn me down! And then
you say that I am infuriating!
ERIC:
Could we not talk about that,
please?
DIANA:
Oh, sure. Sweep it under the
carpet so you can concentrate
your mind on some pointless
gripe, like you always do.
ERIC:
You said it wasn't a big deal,
Diana! Now, if you don't mind,
I'd like to concentrate my mind
on the "pointless" issue of
escaping before our asses wind
up on the Black Market.
He shakes the bars of his cage, then kicks them, hard. The cage shifts slightly in the direction he's kicked.
ERIC:
Hey. These things are loose on
the ground. If we can push hard
enough...
DIANA skulks to the back of her cage, hanging from the top bars, irritably.
DIANA:
What, we can drag our cages to
safety? How would we even make
it though the door, Eric?
ERIC shakes the bars again, angrily.
ERIC:
I don't know, Diana! Where's
your cunning escape plan? I
thought you were full of 'em.
DIANA:
(violently, accusatory)
Well, I can't think, Eric! I
just can't think straight when
you're around me any more.
ERIC turns on her, but remains at the far side of his cage.
ERIC:
Don't do this to me.
DIANA:
What have I done to you? I
don't get it. Why are you being
such a dick?
ERIC slaps the top bars of the cage.
ERIC:
Don't you know who I am? Has it
slipped your tiny mind? I'm not
just some guy who'd be happy
with a quick alfresco fuck and
an exchange of numbers. I'm
Eric, Diana, and, shock horror,
if I don't get my way I can
sometimes be a dick about it.
DIANA storms over to ERIC's side of her cage.
DIANA:
So you're rich and important.
Big fucking deal. I'm not
impressed by any of that shit.
For some reason, it's the sad,
screwed up Nice Guy that you
want to hide from people that I
like. How dare you use that
crap on me!
ERIC:
God! You still don't get it!
DIANA:
(screaming in frustration)
Get what?!? What do you want?
ERIC angrily makes the short run-up that he can and shoulder barges his cage closer to DIANA's.
ERIC:
I want to stop feeling like
this, Diana...
He does this twice more, and after the third time their cages are against each other.
ERIC:
...I know there's a hundred
reasons why you and me wouldn't
work, so why can't I accept it?
He grabs her head through the bars.
ERIC:
Why can't I look at you without
my stomach doing somersaults?
Why can't I argue with you
without constantly fighting
back the urge grab you and...
push you against a wall and...
oh Jesus...
He kisses her, hard, through the gap between the bars. (This should look as though it's physically fairly uncomfortable for the both of them, but they carry on kissing regardless.) Both reach their arms towards each other through the bars, shuffling their cages sideways slightly so that the bars of the two cages are level with each other, leaving the biggest gaps between them possible. They hold each other against the bars as they kiss, their hands starting to roam a little. ERIC pulls out of the kiss.
ERIC:
Stop.
DIANA buries her head in her hands in frustration.
DIANA:
For fuck's sake, man!
ERIC:
Say we do give in to this. What
happens next?
DIANA:
Sweetie, we're locked in a town
crawling with zombies and about
to get sold off to our enemies.
The likelihood is we won't last
'til tomorrow. But if we do, I
promise I'll still respect you
in the morning.
ERIC still hesitates.
DIANA:
You think you're not special to
me? I don't wanna ruin this
friendship, either. But if you
don't get over here and let me
fuck your brains out within the
next ten seconds I swear I'm
gonna explode.
ERIC:
This isn't fair. You're playing
off the fact that getting an
erection like this in chainmail
pants is really uncomfortable.
DIANA grins impishly at him and takes off her top.
ERIC:
Must you make it worse?
He kisses her again, removing his gauntlets and letting his hands explore her breasts. Pressed against him, with her arms around him through the bars, DIANA struggles with ERIC's breastplate. She pulls out of the kiss.
DIANA:
How do I...?
ERIC:
Oh. There's a trick to it.
He quickly unclasps and removes his breastplate, and pulls his chainmail shirt off over his head, leaving just a thin shirt underneath.
ERIC:
Better?
DIANA reaches out towards him and runs her hands up his chest underneath the shirt.
DIANA:
Hey, there you are!
They kiss again. Her hands, still under the shirt, reach up over his shoulders and begin to stroke down his back. ERIC winces. DIANA pulls her hand away from his burnt shoulder.
DIANA:
Sorry. I won't touch the scar.
ERIC smiles, tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear.
ERIC:
Just be gentle with me, OK?
DIANA moves her hands down.
DIANA:
So, do we have take off?
ERIC:
Permission to fly, Captain.
Admittedly, we might have to do
something about the physics of
our situation...
DIANA:
Baby, I'm a fucking gymnast.
We'll find a way.
They kiss again. ERIC stops.
ERIC:
Wait. There's another problem.
DIANA:
What now?
ERIC:
Well, I don't know about you,
but the men's bathrooms round
these parts tend not to have
condom vending machines...
DIANA raises her left arm and points at a small bump near her armpit.
DIANA:
See that lump? Hormone implant.
No pregnancies, no periods,
just three years solid of
24 hour problem free pussy.
ERIC:
That's the most perfect thing I
ever heard.
He kisses her again, then stops again, thoughtfully.
DIANA:
WHAT?!?!?
ERIC:
What if it's no good?
DIANA:
Huh?
ERIC:
This thing's been building up
for a long time. I've thought
about this moment a lot. And in
my mind it's always perfect.
What if it's... mediocre?
CUT TO
INT The same room, a short while later.
ERIC and DIANA have still made no attempt to escape, but have found a way to have sex. Still half dressed and standing up, they pull themselves and each other against the bars where they enthusiastically grind against one another through one of the gaps. This is, like the kissing, very uncomfortable, but at least far from mediocre, and both are loudly, rhythmically, expressing their appreciation for one another.
ERIC:
Oh...
DIANA:
God!
ERIC:
Oh...
DIANA:
God!
ERIC:
Oh...
DIANA:
Jesus, Eric!
ERIC slaps the top bars of his cage as he climaxes, and, doing so, blurts out something very silly.
ERIC:
Suffering Succotash!
DIANA looks at him briefly, then, still gyrating, starts to spasm helplessly with hysterical laughter.
ERIC:
Are you coming? Or laughing?
DIANA:
(breathlessly, still laughing)
Both!
ERIC, also giggling, kisses her as she laughs.
CUT TO
INT: The lift shaft.
PRESTO, BOBBY and HANK are still climbing the stairs. They are just below the bottom of the lift, but the narrow stairs continue in a small gap between the lift and the far wall. The sounds of roaring fire and many moaning zombies are now audible.
PRESTO:
I hope Diana and Eric are OK.
BOBBY:
They must be at each others'
throats by now.
HANK:
Sheila'll find 'em.
PRESTO looks up at the lift.
PRESTO:
OK. I think it's just past the
elevator.
He squeezes into the gap between the lift and the wall. BOBBY and HANK follow.
PRESTO:
Hopefully they'll be off their
guard but there'll be no hope
of sneaking past these guys.
I'll need both of you to cover
me...
Reaching the top of the lift, PRESTO peers over it to the grate fencing off the next floor. The bright, orange firelight is reflected on his glasses.
On the floor beyond. Through the grate, the large room is teeming with burnt zombies. On the far wall is a huge portal to a burning world. There is a large hole burnt into the ceiling, showing the overcast sky above.
His face set, PRESTO silently clambers onto the lift's roof and signals to the others, who join him. BOBBY looks at the spheres of power growing in PRESTO's hands, and charges his club. HANK draws back a bolt.
The other side of the grate, one zombie spots them. It screams. Others turn.
PRESTO holds out his hands. A wave of magic flies from them, disintegrating the grate. The three boys run into the room. BOBBY hits the screaming zombie and two others in the head with his club. HANK fires off the other side of PRESTO at some zombies, which fall back briefly, aflame, but swiftly rise again.
HANK:
Shit...
PRESTO raises his newly recharged hands above his head, then brings them down. The magic hits the floor and cascades in a large circle around him, sending the zombies it hits falling lifeless to the floor.
HANK:
My bow doesn't stop them...
PRESTO opens his mouth to say something to HANK, when he is cut off by a faint, panicked whinny. On BOBBY, his face whitening.
BOBBY:
No...
BOBBY looks around himself wildly, searching for the source of the sound.
HANK:
Bob...
BOBBY sees UNI, on a different corner of the room to the portal, desperately fighting off zombies, who clamour over her like ants over a dropped ice-cream.
BOBBY:
I told her to hide!
BOBBY starts to fight his way over towards UNI.
PRESTO:
No, Bob!
PRESTO follows BOBBY. Zombies begin to close in on them again. PRESTO sends another wave of magic over them and those nearest to PRESTO and BOBBY fall. HANK stays near the lift shaft, using his bow as a staff to bat away a couple of zombies. He tries to fight his way towards PRESTO and BOBBY, but the zombies push him back.
HANK:
I can't help you, Presto!
On PRESTO, much closer to BOBBY and UNI than HANK. He turns to try to say something, but the zombies encircle him again, blocking him off. There is another burst of magic and those zombies fall, but PRESTO is beginning to look very drained.
HANK:
Come back...
PRESTO:
We need the others!
HANK looks from PRESTO to the lift shaft.
HANK:
Can you hold them off?
PRESTO is pulled away by BOBBY, who bats a couple of zombies away from them both. HANK begins backing away to the lift shaft.
HANK:
Wait there. I'm coming back.
He runs into the lift shaft. Several zombies follow him.
PRESTO:
(O/S)
Hurry!
On top of the lift, HANK draws back a bolt and shoots a hole in its roof. Kicking the sides of the hole away a little, he is able to make it big enough to fit through.
He falls into the lift, quickly finding his feet, but one zombie slides its way headfirst through the hole. As the first zombie drops, another begins to creep through the hole.
HANK:
Oh for fuck's sake!
He kicks the first zombie against the door of the lift. As it falls, he holds it down with his foot and reaches up to smack the second zombie's head up against the ceiling with the end of his bow, smashing a hole in its skull, leaving the rest of the zombie stuck lifelessly halfway through the hole in the ceiling, thus blocking it. Unfortunately, as HANK tugs the end of his bow out of the second zombie's skull, he pulls it back too hard and it catches a large switch behind him. HANK is taken a little off guard when the lift shudders into life and starts to descend. He shifts off balance slightly and the first zombie is able to crawl up the grate of the lift door and get to its feet. It takes a swipe at HANK.
HANK:
Augh!
Leaning against the back wall, he kicks out his foot to pin the zombie back against the grate.
HANK's POV - The zombie at the end of his foot snarling at him as the lift descends past another zombie filled floor. The zombies look at him, hissing and screaming as the lift passes out of sight.
HANK lashes out at the zombie with the end of his bow, but the zombie grabs it. They pass by another floor of zombies. The zombie pushes the bow back towards HANK, its tip slamming against his throat. HANK chokes. Leaning his shoulders harder against the back wall, he walks his free foot a little way up the grate, then suddenly lifts it up and kicks it against the zombie's face. The zombie's scream is cut off as its head pops under his foot.
Sickened, HANK slides down the wall, watching another floor of zombies pass over him.
HANK:
Well, I think they know we're
here.
CUT TO
INT: Underground tunnels.
PISTOL and NYM are sitting at a table in a small, open chamber carved into the side of one of the tunnels. NYM is playing Patience. PISTOL is frowning, pen in hand, at a sheet of paper. Their weapons rest on the floor, as do Diana's staff and Eric's shield and sword. In the tunnel beyond, dusty footprints creep past the doorway.
NYM:
Trevor's taking his time.
PISTOL:
What rhymes with Orange?
NYM thinks for a moment.
NYM:
Bloringe.
PISTOL:
There's no such thing.
NYM:
Yes there is. It's a small
fluffy animal, a sort of a
cross between a boobiliboo and
a squeegal.
PISTOL:
Oh.
Beat. The sound of the lift moving is faintly audible. PISTOL looks up.
PISTOL:
D'you hear that, Nym?
The footprints stop and press the owner against the wall.
NYM:
Hear what?
PISTOL:
Sounds like that Up-And-Down
machine is working.
NYM:
Pistol, don't be ridiculous.
How would corpses know how to
use the Up-And-Down machine?
PISTOL:
I dunno, but, if they did...
they'd find us, wouldn't they?
NYM frowns at PISTOL.
In the tunnel beyond, a small stone is invisibly lifted and hurled past the doorway.
At the sound of the stone hitting the ground, PISTOL and NYM stand, edgily. NYM silently picks up her crossbow and leads PISTOL out into the tunnel. As they peer out into the gloomy tunnel, they don't see the staff, sword and shield in the small room behind them lift from the ground. Neither do they notice the dusty footprints directly beneath the floating weapons sprinting off in the opposite direction with them. They continue staring out into emptiness.
PISTOL:
Maybe it was a Bloringe.
NYM just gives him a Look.
CUT TO
INT: Small room with cages.
Sporting the usual sticky, dishevelled contentment of post coital couples, ERIC and DIANA sit side on against the bars that separate them so inadequately. ERIC plays with DIANA's hair through the bars.
ERIC:
The cape's a good look for you,
y'know. It was like making it
with Black Wonderwoman.
DIANA giggles to herself.
DIANA:
"Suffering Succotash"...
ERIC:
OK, shut up. You took me by
suprise. I hadn't expected it
to be better than I'd imagined.
DIANA:
Yeah, it wasn't bad for a first
timer.
ERIC's expression becomes more serious. He looks at DIANA
ERIC:
You could tell?
DIANA:
Tell what?
ERIC:
That that was... you know.
DIANA looks nonplussed.
ERIC:
You know... my... you know.
DIANA twigs. Her eyebrows shoot skyward in suprise.
DIANA:
I meant our first time
together! Eric, you're not.
You're not a virgin.
ERIC:
Well, I'm not now.
DIANA:
Jesus H. Christ! No wonder you
thought it was a big deal. But
I mean, you... you knew all the
moves and all...
ERIC:
If I've said it once, I've said
it a thousand times. Praise the
Lord for Pornography.
DIANA:
You're twenty one! How the hell
did you keep it that long?
You're not in a cult, are you?
ERIC shrugs.
ERIC:
Combination of bad luck and
poor decision making. You
might not believe this, but I
can be a little socially
awkward sometimes.
DIANA:
You had to have got offers.
ERIC:
I don't accept offers like that
too readily. Once bitten and
all that...
DIANA:
Whaddaya mean, "once bitten"?
ERIC pulls DIANA's face towards his.
ERIC:
Do you always interrogate your
conquests?
DIANA:
What makes you a conquest?
ERIC:
Oh, you haff vays of makink me
talk, hmm? Vell I haff vays of
makink you shut ze Hell up.
He kisses her.
DIANA:
Und hast du vays of makink me
come vonce again, ja?
ERIC:
Vell I haff vaited many years.
I haff much catchink up to do.
DIANA:
Vill Sylvester be makink anozer
appearance?
ERIC drags a giggling DIANA to her feet.
ERIC:
Right, zat's it. Bend over.
CUT TO
INT Bottom of lift shaft.
The lift comes to a halt at the bottom of the shaft. HANK opens its grated door and steps into the shaft. Looking about himself briefly, he sees the door to the tunnels ajar. He smiles.
HANK:
That's my girl.
He jogs over to the door and steps through it, seeing the five different tunnels.
HANK:
Crap.
He then spots the little knife mark on the wall. He runs his fingers over it.
HANK:
Red. God, I love you.
He is about to follow the path Sheila had previously marked out in the left tunnel when he hears a soft sound, like that of a woman sighing, off right.
HANK:
Wait...
He peers into the two right hand tunnels. There is a slight golden tinge to the gloom of the inside right tunnel. He hesitates, looking from the carved path on the left to the faint golden glow on the right.
HANK:
OK. I'm coming.
He runs off down the golden tunnel on the right.
CUT TO
INT The underground tunnels.
The weapons are still floating around four feet from the ground, being carried at a walking pace. The tunnel here is better lit, with many torches, and less dusty.
SHEILA:
(invisible)
...has to be round here
somewhere.
NYM:
(O/S)
Well, at least they're still
locked in.
The invisible SHEILA ducks into a nearby shadowy corner, obscuring the weapons in darkness as PISTOL and NYM stride past, looking worried.
PISTOL:
They were making funny noises.
I don't like it.
NYM:
Hmm. What I don't like is that
their weapons have managed to
disappear from under our noses.
They say that a Thief walks
with these ones. A dangerous
assassin who can come and go
and never be seen. I think we
should get Big Sally.
PISTOL:
You want me to go back and
guard the goods?
NYM avoids PISTOL's eye.
NYM:
No. Stay with me.
PISTOL and NYM turn a corner. The cloaked SHEILA emerges from the shadows with the weapons and hurries off in the direction PISTOL and NYM had come from.
SHEILA:
(invisible)
Thanks for the hint.
She turns a corner and stops, uncloaking, at a locked and barred heavy wooden door.
SHEILA:
Bingo.
With a grunt of effort, she slides the bar from across the door. Tucking the sword and staff into her belt and slinging the shield over a shoulder, she draws her knife and slides it down the lock. She smiles to herself.
SHEILA:
Boy, are they ever gonna be
surprised to see me...
She jiggles her knife against the lock briefly, the tip of her tongue protruding from the corner of her lips in concentration. The lock pops. She grins and steps through the door confidently.
SHEILA:
Ta-da!
Stay on SHEILA as her expression of triumph freezes. Her eyes widen as she surveys the scene before her, but the rest of her is immobilised with shock. The door swings shut behind her. On ERIC and DIANA, also frozen in shock, looking in horror at SHEILA. They are, unfortunately, halfway through a session of enthusiastic, through-the-bars, rear entry sex. Back on SHEILA. She is the first to scream. Back on ERIC and DIANA. They also scream, but are still incapable of disengaging themselves.
SHEILA:
What are you doing?!?
DIANA:
Um...
SHEILA picks up a stone and flings it at ERIC.
ERIC:
Ow...
SHEILA:
What are you doing to her, you
horrible boy?
On ERIC, panicking, still immobile.
ERIC:
Oh, fuck! It's... it's not how
it looks...
SHEILA:
So you're not having sex? What
is this then, some sorta weird,
naked Hiemlich manoeuvre?
ERIC:
It's... it's not...
He desperately searches for a silver lining.
ERIC:
It's not anal.
ERIC winces as SHEILA's shrieking reaches a new level of horror. She covers her eyes.
SHEILA:
Oh My GOD! I wasn't even
thinking about that!
DIANA:
Listen, Sheila...
SHEILA:
Oh my God. Oh my God. You have
Eric's penis in you. This isn't
happening.
ERIC and DIANA finally untangle, and sheepishly cover themselves up.
DIANA:
Sheila, I know this isn't a
pretty sight...
SHEILA:
No kidding.
DIANA:
And God knows this wasn't the
right time or place or way for
you to find out about this...
SHEILA uncovers her eyes.
SHEILA:
"This"? "THIS"? What is "this"?
Is this a relationship, is it
love? Has this been going on
for months, behind our backs?
Why wouldn't you tell us?
DIANA:
It's new to all of us, OK?
ERIC:
We didn't want to tell anyone
until we knew what it was.
SHEILA:
So do you know yet?
DIANA:
It's, uh...
She meets ERIC's eyes through the bars. They smile at one another.
DIANA:
I guess it's a... Thing.
SHEILA:
A "Thing?"
ERIC nods. SHEILA bursts into tears.
SHEILA:
You guys! I'm so happy for you!
The door swings open. PISTOL and NYM burst through. SHEILA leaps into the shadows, cloaking.
PISTOL:
I told you there was something
funny going on, but you...
PISTOL's eyes rest on the still half dressed DIANA.
PISTOL:
She was wearing more earlier.
NYM squeezes the bridge of her nose. PISTOL's gaze moves to ERIC.
PISTOL:
Oh...
NYM:
Don't show yourself up, Pistol.
NYM glares at PISTOL, but is suddenly hit on the back of the head with Eric's shield. She slumps, unconscious. PISTOL turns to her, a look of horrified concern on his face. He is hit full on in the face with the shield. Instead of falling, he blinks, a little surprised. He stops the shield with one large hand, staring at the invisible body that holds it. There is a whistle from O/S. PISTOL glances off.
DIANA, standing, uncovers her breasts.
PISTOL looks back at the invisible shield bearer. There is a different whistle from O/S. PISTOL looks off again.
ERIC also stands, taking off his shirt.
This retains PISTOL's attention. He gawps. His can of Chloroform spray is removed from his belt by invisible hands and sprayed in his face. He loses consciousness.
Beat. SHEILA uncloaks, then smiles and pops the locks of the hastily dressing captives.
SHEILA:
My best friends have a Thing
together! Gimme a hug!
DIANA, the first to be freed by SHEILA, hugs her first. ERIC joins her, then takes DIANA's hand.
SHEILA:
God. Now that is officially
the weirdest thing I ever saw
in this screwy world.
ERIC:
Yeah. It'll take some getting
used to.
ERIC kisses DIANA's hand.
SHEILA:
You guys are so cute!
DIANA:
Honey, are you OK with this? I
mean, what with you and Hank...
SHEILA:
Oh yeah. Him.
Beat. SHEILA remembers what she's doing there.
SHEILA:
Hey. We need to get up the
tower. The boys might need our
help.
ERIC:
Why? What's up the tower?
CUT TO
INT: Room with flaming portal, top of tower.
PRESTO and BOBBY have reached the stricken UNI, and are now surrounded by zombies.
BOBBY:
Where the fuck are they?
BOBBY reaches his club up to a nearby torch and lights it, threatening the approaching flaming zombies with it.
PRESTO:
Oh yeah. That'll work!
PRESTO attempts to send another wave of magic towards the zombies. A few of them fall, but the force of it drains PRESTO so much that he stumbles against BOBBY.
BOBBY:
Where are you, Hank?
CUT TO
INT: Underground tunnels.
HANK jogs through the tunnel. The golden glow is getting brighter. Suddenly, a golden light shines in his eyes from off left. He reels away from it briefly, squinting, then turns and looks into it.
Close on HANK as he approaches the unseen source of the light. An O/S heavenly chord can be heard. He grins.
HANK:
Oh baby. Where have you been
all my life?
CUT TO
INT: Underground tunnels (near lift shaft).
SHEILA, DIANA and ERIC are running through the tunnels.
DIANA:
What about the bounty hunters?
ERIC:
If they wake up, I'd appreciate
it if you girls took the
monster. He was looking at me
kinda funny.
DIANA:
Don't we have an awfully high
opinion of our ourselves?
They reach the door.
SHEILA:
Save your breath, guys. You'll
need it for the climb...
They come to a stop by the waiting lift.
SHEILA:
Oh.
ERIC:
An elevator? This place is
too weird.
SHEILA:
That wasn't there before.
They step into the lift, noticing the corpses.
DIANA:
Ew.
DIANA pokes the zombie hanging from the ceiling with her staff.
SHEILA:
Whaddaya suppose...?
ERIC:
D'you think it's safe?
They look at each other, then at the switch.
DIANA:
I doubt it. But what is?
SHEILA:
At least it's fast, I guess.
ERIC:
Better than climbing.
He pulls the switch up. The lift begins to rise.
DIANA:
Eric!
ERIC:
I thought we were agreed.
DIANA:
We were discussing
possibilities!
ERIC:
We all said...
SHEILA:
Wait! D'you see that?
SHEILA peers out into the empty floor that they are passing. The others follow her gaze.
ERIC:
See what? What's out there?
SHEILA shakes her head, nervously looking at ERIC.
SHEILA:
'S probably nothing. It's
just... I thought I saw...
ERIC searches her eyes, worried.
SHEILA:
...I tawt I taw a puddy tat.
SHEILA and DIANA both break into giggles.
ERIC:
For the love of...
His eyes widen as they pass by a floor of zombies. Now aware of the lift, they clamour at the grate.
ERIC:
...God...
The trio all step to the back of the lift, eyeing the zombies grimly. ERIC readies his shield and he and SHEILA draw their blades. DIANA extends her staff.
CUT TO
INT Room with flaming portal, top of tower.
BOBBY, UNI and PRESTO still huddle together against the groping zombies. UNI is making a fairly good job of skewering and kicking them, as is BOBBY at batting them away. Choking on the smoky air, PRESTO stands forewards a little and sends a burst of magic into the zombies. A thin wave of them collapse, but PRESTO is sent staggering back into BOBBY. BOBBY holds an arm across PRESTO.
BOBBY:
Get behind me. You need your
strength.
Still using BOBBY to keep himself upright, PRESTO drags the back of his hand against his nose, and notices the trickle of blood on it.
PRESTO:
I don't have any left to save.
We don't have long now.
BOBBY shoots PRESTO a quick look over his shoulder as he continues to bat away zombies.
BOBBY:
I'm sorry I ran off after Uni.
PRESTO:
(sighs)
We couldn't just leave her.
She was only trying to help.
She always was a very stupid
Unicorn. Brave, but stupid.
BOBBY:
And I'm sorry I got mad, OK?
You're what keeps us going
these days, even though you
can't have any more of a clue
than the rest of us.
Still hanging onto BOBBY, PRESTO tries to raise a hand against the zombies. The sparks fail. His nose is now streaming blood. He chokes again on the smoke, blinking back tears.
PRESTO:
I so sorry, Bob. I've really
fucked this up.
BOBBY:
It isn't your fault.
PRESTO:
Bobby, we're dead meat here.
This is no time for keeping
secrets. There are... some
things I should tell you.
BOBBY looks around to PRESTO again, concerned. As he is off his guard, a large zombie grabs his club hand.
BOBBY:
Augh...
BOBBY barely gets a moment to struggle before there is a slight "squelch". The zombie sighs, its head lolling foreward. The knife sticking out of the back of its skull becomes visible. As does SHEILA, furiously leaping from shoulder to shoulder over the zombies towards them. Making slightly slower progress from the stopped lift on solid ground are ERIC and DIANA, a two person whirling dervish of steel and fur. The shield is being used to batter a path through the zombies, but nevertheless, both offensive weapons are almost a blur as they cut through the zombies that attempt to pile onto them.
On SHEILA, deftly springing from the back of one zombie into the larger zombie still held upright by BOBBY, still with the knife in its head. BOBBY grins.
BOBBY:
Sheila!
SHEILA clasps both hands around the knife's hilt, pushes her foot against the zombie's back and pulls, retrieving her knife.
SHEILA:
Eric and Diana are an item!
PRESTO & BOBBY:
Aww!
Two more zombies lunge at them. SHEILA swiftly lashes out, decapitating both of them.
SHEILA:
I caught them doing it in the
basements.
PRESTO & BOBBY:
Eww.
Noticing PRESTO, SHEILA points at his nose.
SHEILA:
You got a nosebleed.
PRESTO:
Thanks.
DIANA and ERIC reach the others. ERIC raises his shield, creating a hemisphere of protection for everybody to get their breath back.
BOBBY:
(sing-song voice)
Eric and Diana, sittin' in a
tree...
PRESTO:
Congratulations, guys!
DIANA:
Sheila, you're impossible!
BOBBY:
(continued)
Eff you see kay eye en gee...
ERIC:
Shut up, Thyroid Boy.
(meeting eyes with PRESTO)
Presto, you got a little...
ERIC touches just under his nose.
PRESTO:
Gosh, really?
He notices the lift start to descend again.
PRESTO:
The elevator.
DIANA:
The bounty hunters.
ERIC starts moving the party toward the portal.
ERIC:
Let's get this portal shut and
these bastards dealt with
first, huh?
PRESTO squeezes his shoulder.
PRESTO:
I'm too weak.
ERIC:
You're not the only superhero
round here, Presto. Let someone
else have a shot. Right, guys?
BOBBY:
Sure. Portal destruction's a
piece of piss compared to...
A familiar roar goes up from within the portal. They all look up at the portal, horrified. On a fire dragon, within the scorched world, but approaching the portal.
BOBBY:
Oh shit.
CUT TO
INT Bottom of lift shaft.
On the lift, coming to a stop at the bottom of the shaft. Close on a pair of leather boots, covered in blood and brains and God knows what, striding into the lift.
HANK:
(sings to self O/S)
I'm comin' up, so you'd better
get this party started...
Close on a fair, but grubby, male hand pulling the switch up. The lift begins to rise. The hands take a cigarette and lighter from the belt around a green tunic. Close on the young man's mouth as he puts the cigarette in his mouth, lights it and inhales.
CUT TO
INT Room with flaming portal at top of tower.
The KIDS and UNI react in terror as the fire dragon nears the portal. The zombies in the room are going crazy, and bounce off the shield's protective barrier, weakening it.
DIANA:
Fire dragons! This must be
where they come from!
SHEILA:
They must have made that hole
in the roof to get out.
PRESTO:
I can't stop it, guys. I'm
sorry.
The dragon is almost at the portal. ERIC is beginning to buckle under the force of the zombies on his shield.
DIANA:
Somebody has to do something.
BOBBY:
What about my club?
SHEILA:
At the top of a tall, ruined
tower? You'll bring the whole
place down!
A thought hits ERIC.
ERIC:
Hey. Where's Hank?
CUT TO
INT The lift.
Close on HANK, still smoking. His eyes narrow as the lift comes to a stop at the top. He kicks at the lift's grate which, weakened by the grasps of the zombies, gives way. He strides into the large room, reaches over his shoulder and draws a huge crossbow - around twice the size of Nym's weapon. It takes a big guy like Hank two hands to hold steady. It is unique in that it has a spring loaded cartridge of arrows clipped beneath it, and that the bow can be automatically drawn back using a simple pull-back mechanism at the bottom of the shaft. In other words, what he has is a mighty large, pump action crossbow.
On the others, seeing this. BOBBY smiles in hope.
BOBBY:
Hank! Hank's got a...
On HANK. He raises his new bow up to eye level.
HANK:
That's right. I got a fucking
crossbow!
He fires two shots, stepping out and speaking as he does.
HANK:
For when nothin'll do but a big
sharp lump of metal launched
into your enemy at great
speed...
The arrows that he fires at the zombies between himself and the others hit with such an impact that they fly straight through the first zombies heads and into other zombies behind them before they run out of velocity.
HANK:
Boys and girls,
He fires a third shot. This takes down three zombies in a row.
HANK:
Meet Big Sally.
He fires another series of shots at the zombies surrounding the kids. The last one flies through a zombie's skull and bounces off ERIC's shield.
ERIC:
Hey!
HANK reloads, then fires again.
HANK:
I'm gonna make a corridor for
you. Fall back. I've got a
plan.
PRESTO:
But the fire dragon...
The fire dragon has spotted them.
HANK:
Fall back!
ERIC:
Hank...
HANK:
Get back here right now,
dammit!
ERIC blinks for a moment, taken aback, then starts to push the hemisphere of protection through the zombies towards HANK. Confused and dilapidated by the ongoing crossbow attack, the zombies don't fight back as hard as they had previously, but are still tough to push through. The fire dragon begins to cross the portal. ERIC stumbles, the strength of his weapon and body fading fast under the barrage. DIANA catches him and pushes him on. BOBBY passes the seriously weakened PRESTO over to SHEILA to support and helps ERIC. On HANK, still firing at the surrounding zombies.
HANK:
Into the elevator. Faster!
UNI, at the back, attempts to give ERIC a supportive nudge, seemingly forgetting her lethally sharp horn. If one thing is bound to make you move faster, it's a friendly nudge in the back from an adult unicorn. ERIC manages to make the next few yards to the lift in one shocked, painful leap.
ERIC:
Ow!
The others, bar HANK, follow him at a run into the lift. They watch him, still firing at the zombies.
PRESTO:
We need to close that portal!
HANK gives the others a brief, devilish smile.
HANK:
Remember the way we used to
wreck portals?
He reaches for a grenade on his belt.
SHEILA:
No, Hank!
He fits the grenade onto the tip of a new crossbow bolt.
HANK:
C'mon! For old times' sake!
He fires at the portal, stepping backwards into the lift as he does. The grenade hits the fire dragon, halfway through the portal. The explosion smashes walls, roof and floor around it, and sends a fireball blasting into the room. DIANA, reacting quickly, pulls the switch down. Although the lift begins to descend again, they all flinch from the approaching flame, which hits the wall just as they have disappeared under the crumbling floor. There are bodies still moving furiously in the flame, and many of them begin to pile into the shaft, on top of the lift. On the kids in the lift. They look up as the thuds of the bodies jumping onto the lift can be heard. On the lift cable, engulfed in fire and weakened by the great weight on top of it. It begins to give way. On the kids in the lift. They react, horrified, to the lift jolting as a result of this. HANK reloads.
HANK:
Get ready to jump, and run.
The kids steel themselves, watching the floors cracking and crumbling as they pass them. BOBBY lifts PRESTO up onto UNI. PRESTO clutches her mane tightly. The floor with the barricaded door begins to rise into view. The lift jolts again. The cable snaps. On the kids in the lift.
HANK:
Now!
Just as the lift begins to freefall, the KIDS and UNI jump out onto the floor and start running. The lift plummets behind them, covered with still flaming zombies. There is a crash as the lift smashes at the bottom level below. The walls and ceiling are already beginning to come apart. Masonry and dust rain on them as they run towards the blocked door.
BOBBY:
The door!
HANK grabs another grenade and fits it to a bolt.
HANK:
Just keep running!
Still running, he fires, blowing out the door and several zombies still clawing at it from the outside. This does nothing to help the small issue of the collapsing building.
CUT TO
EXT Abandoned town, day. Fog and thick smoke.
They burst through the doorway just before a huge section of the floor above falls onto it, and continue to run down the street of the abandoned town as the building slowly falls. A few zombies still lurch drunkenly at them, but without the portal, their life-force is drained and they begin to collapse in the dusty streets. At a safe distance, HANK comes to a stop, turns and watches happily as the building completely collapses.
HANK:
Couldn't blow 'em all up, huh,
Venger?
He turns and grins at the others. They all stare at him, flabbergasted.
HANK:
What?
SHEILA:
(shocked)
Hank... you... you smoke?!?
CUT TO
INT Underground tunnels, full of smoke.
NYM is now slumped propped up against one of the walls near the small door to the lift shaft. PISTOL crouches before her, gently patting her face.
PISTOL:
Nym? Nym, wake up.
NYM frowns, moaning slightly. She coughs on the smoke and blinks her eyes open, painfully.
NYM:
What..?
PISTOL:
I think we've got a problem.
NYM sits up, remembering.
NYM:
The goods!
PISTOL:
They're long gone. I think it
was that Thief. I looked in the
secret hidey-hole. Big Sally
was taken too.
NYM gets to her feet.
NYM:
No!
PISTOL:
That's not the problem.
NYM looks blankly up at PISTOL.
PISTOL:
You remember how you said right
under Furnus' nose was the best
place to hide out, because it
was the one place she'd never
look?
Beat. PISTOL swings the door open. Amongst the burning ruins of the lift at the bottom of the shaft, several zombies have survived, still aflame, and thrash about with the mindless viciousness of dying wasps.
PISTOL:
They looked.
NYM's face flashes fear and horror, then sets, grimly.
NYM:
You're right. That is a problem.
She raises her crossbow and loads it.
CUT TO
EXT Wasteland outside town walls, day. Fog.
PRESTO is sitting weakly against a rock, mopping up the blood from his nose with a long ream of tissue from his hat. The others sit around him, listening to HANK, looking at the bow with amazement and mistrust.
HANK:
I found it in the tunnels when
I was looking for you guys.
It's like it was calling me.
DIANA:
The little bounty hunter had
one like it, but smaller.
ERIC:
Must've been the monster's.
HANK:
There's a name carved in it.
He shows the others the back of the bow.
HANK:
"Big Sally." Pretty cool, huh?
On SHEILA, sitting back near PRESTO.
SHEILA:
I don't like it.
HANK:
You don't have to like it. I'm
keeping it anyway.
SHEILA shrinks back a little. Nobody says anything, but the mood towards HANK from everybody else suddenly becomes a little more hostile. HANK briefly looks down, clearing his throat and putting Big Sally away. On BOBBY, trying to think of a different subject to break the awkward silence. He notices PRESTO.
BOBBY:
How come you never talk to the
hat any more?
The others all look at PRESTO. He looks up, slightly panicked. ERIC is watching him, quietly.
PRESTO:
I... don't need to. I just get
what I want.
He throws the tissue back into the hat.
PRESTO:
I'm feeling better now. Man,
how I ever thought I could
summon up all that energy...
HANK:
Are you kidding? You did really
well back there.
BOBBY:
Yeah! I've never seen a human
with that much power before...
Beat. BOBBY thinks.
BOBBY:
What was the secret?
PRESTO:
Huh?
BOBBY:
Just before the others arrived
you said you had something you
had to tell me.
PRESTO stalls, horrified at having been caught out. ERIC meets eyes with him.
ERIC:
You can't hide it any more,
Presto. I know. The others may
as well.
DIANA:
What?
ERIC grins.
ERIC:
You didn't tell us your Porn
name earlier. Now I know full
well that you had a goldfish
called Bubbles.
Beat. BOBBY's lips move silently, working the name out.
BOBBY:
Bubbles Monroe?
PRESTO sighs, relieved but feigning embarrassment. The others all start laughing.
DIANA:
Your Porn name is Bubbles
Monroe? That's the best thing I
ever heard!
On PRESTO, getting up.
PRESTO:
(to ERIC, only slightly ironic)
Thanks, man.
ERIC, also getting up, winks at him.
HANK:
Let's get out of here, huh?
The others all get up.
SHEILA:
With pleasure.
As they make to walk off, ERIC and DIANA find each other and wind their arms around each others' hips. On HANK. He notices them blankly, then double takes.
HANK:
Woah, woah, woah!
(indicating ERIC and DIANA)
What's this?
They all turn around to HANK.
SHEILA:
Oh, you missed that. Eric and
Diana are dating.
HANK:
No shit.
BOBBY:
They've had sex and everything!
ERIC:
Twice.
HANK looks at them, astounded.
HANK:
Jesus! I was only gone for five
minutes!
They laugh, and begin to walk away.
CUT TO BLACK